You were in Russia's bed, his arms wrapped around you waist. He always did this, he always held you like a teddy bear. But in truth the teddy bear in the relationship was Russia. Russia would come home late sometimes. And usually in those late home arrivals he looked so worn out and tired. His face would show a dull expression, but for some reason every time he saw you he would show you the tiniest of smiles even if he was exhausted. He knew you wouldn't go to sleep until he arrived home. One time he asked you why you waited for him. And you told him that it was because you didn't have your teddy bear with you.
You knew he had an exhausting day, dealing with everything in his country, and dealing with all the other countries. You would hold Russia tight and put your head on his chest, hearing the rhythmic pattern of his large heart. Hearing every breath his lungs would breathe in. You felt him play with your hair. At his touch you looked up into his violet eyes. They looked softer in the light of the moon that was glistening through the open curtain.
He was looking at you with eyes full of hope, but behind that hope you saw fear. You knew about Russia's past, how he like every other country had the blood of many stain his country. You knew he was afraid of losing you, as much as you were afraid of losing him. You held onto him tighter remembering your fear. You held onto him and you closed your eyes. Trying to keep the fear form ruining the moment. Russia feeling you discomfort held you tighter. He could feel the fear that was coursing through your veins. You both held onto each other like this for quite some time. Trying to prove that nothing could take you away from each other’s warmth.
When the beating of your heart calmed down, you let out a sigh, and opened your eyes. The uncertainty that was in your heart faded, and all that mattered was the presence of your teddy bear. You looked up into his eyes and you felt yourself start to shed tears. You knew that you would just look at your reflection. You squeezed your teddy bear. You tried to remember the warmth it gave you moments ago. You tried to remember the melody of the heart beat you wished to hear. The soft breath you felt escape his lungs. You started to cry, and you asked your teddy bear in sorrow, "What's wrong teddy bear? Please tell me." You knew something was wrong. "Teddy bear please tell me, teddy bear...teddy bear.”, you pleaded. "It's no use teddy bear; I know you won't answer me." "I know you’re not here any more and all I have to remember you is this stuffed bear." "You should have known that when you left me, this bear wouldn't heat the cold in my soul. Wouldn't fill the loss in my heart." "Why did you leave? It should have been me. Teddy bear, it should have been me...."
It had been a month since you lost your teddy bear. Since you buried him in the unforgiving earth. He had saved you, from a drunk driver. But in return he gave up his life. The pain of loss was unbearable. It didn't help that on your birthday, just a week after you lost him. You heard a knock on your door; you saw a huge teddy bear when you opened the door. For some reason you expected to see Russia behind the huge teddy bear. Your heart filled with hope. Then it was shot down, when you saw a delivery man look over the side of the teddy bear. "Um, is this the Braginski household?" he asked. "Y-yes", you replied trying to keep the tears at bay. Every time you heard his name it was as if ice crystals started to fill your heart. "I have a birthday delivery. It says here to deliver it to the most beautiful woman in the world. Is that you?" he looked at you waiting for an answer. Ivan always told you this; right before you fell asleep he would tell you if you knew you were the most beautiful woman in the world. "Yes.", you responded quickly the tears starting to break through their confinement. "May you sign this please." he held out the device you usually had to sign on. After you finished he handed you the teddy bear. "Happy birthday, miss" he said as he left.
You closed the door, as it shut behind you, the tears started to escape one by one. You set the teddy bear on your kitchen counter, that's when you saw a card attached to the teddy bear's bow. That card was unmistakenly written by Ivan. There written on this card were Ivan's last words. "I'm so sorry I couldn't give you this myself, my precious sunflower. But here it is a big teddy bear to keep you warm when I'm not here. When I'm not in your arms. Happy Birthday, my one and only. With much love, Ivan your teddy bear." Your heart finally broke to a million pieces. The time you spent trying to put the pieces back together was now nothing. You held onto the teddy bear, trying to keep yourself from losing your mind. Trying to feel Russia once more with you. "Oh, Ivan...my big fluffy teddy bear. How I wish to be in your arms once more."